Once one starts going to see the same (generally jammy) band enough times one inevitably begins to notice certain songs that they have yet to see the band in question play live. As in, “I’ve seen X play Y times without ever hearing a Z.”

In my case, before August 16th, 2009 (can we have a quick moment of silence in honour of Elvis Day? – – Thank-you) I could have said, “I’ve seen Phish play thirty-one times without hearing a Llama,” and I probably did. Llama is the lead-off track from my favourite Phish studio album; it’s a mile-a-minute guitar-rifiesta with a beautiful outro melody and glancing at the plethora of Phish statistics on the interwebs it was clear that the band played the song often enough that I should have heard them play it plenty of times after seeing so many shows.

But I hadn’t, and I wanted to. In lotspeak it’s called ‘chasing’, so it could be said that I arrived at SPAC that day ‘chasing a Llama.’

I was also chasing a reasonable place to watch the show from. There are two kinds of concert-goers in the northeast US: Those who love SPAC and those who have only been on the lawn at SPAC. The Saratoga Performing Arts Center is a somewhat unique venue in the middle of a beautiful state park. It’s classy and surrounded by trees – kind of like a woodsy Hollywood Bowl – but what makes it stand out from other pavilions is the vast, bouncing balcony that is great if you’re in it and lousy if your behind it; say, on the lawn.

To be fair, there is a strip of grass on the lawn about eight feet deep that affords a fair view of the band but if you’re anywhere else back there forget it. You’re left dancing on the steep incline and wondering how cool the lights must look from inside the pavilion.

So there I was searching in vain for a patch of good grass big enough to comfortably sit me and m’lady for the evening when we both decided it would be prudent to find a porta-potty before the show began.

Climbing the steep hill we discovered several hundred like-minded people lined up a dozen hippies deep at the row of portable toilets. Slowly, slowly, slowly we got halfway through the line – no emergency yet but I was starting to worry – plus the show was sure to start any minute…

I noticed that many people waiting in line were obviously couples. Sneaking a glance inside the plastic loos I could see there was a side-urinal in addition to the toilet seat. I started chanting “Two At Once! Two At Once!” M’lady joined in, “Two At Once! Two At Once!” Soon the whole lineup was chanting and sure enough people started entering the bathrooms in pairs, which got a big cheer every time. Couples went in together, guys that were friends went two at time, even strangers were crossing the streams, it was beautiful!

And just then the band started playing. And the opening song?

Llama.

And there I am way up on the hill well out of sight of the band, I’m dancing on the spot near the point of explosion and leading a chant in an effort to convince people to pee using the Buddy System.

M’lady and I made it in just in the nick of time (as far as I was concerned anyway) but by the time we made our way within sight of the band my Llama was long gone.

It would be four-and-a-half years and thirty-eight more shows before my chase finally ended on New Years Eve in 2013 when Phish performed Llama from the roof of a truck that had been driven to the middle of the floor of Madison Square Garden for their second set.

Anyway, we finally found a good enough spot on the lawn and enjoyed the rest of the show fully. The band was clearly feeling whimsical, playing a Katy Perry song and ending the encore with AC/DC’s Highway To Hell (the only time to date that I’ve heard them play either), and a good time was had by all.

And the moral of the story is: A Llama in the can is worth two on the lawn. Obviously.

https://toddmanout.com/